When I was asked to write about my experience in Israeli occupation jails after Oct. 7, I felt like I was being asked to open up an unhealed wound, to painfully squeeze out every single letter. But writing about this experience is necessary, as a testimony to the suffering of victims in the shadows of Israeli prisons.It is a window into the world of torture that Palestinian prisoners are regularly subjected to, especially after Oct. 7 2023; and a witness of their visible and hidden suffering inside the prison cells.
Here, the Institute for Palestine Studies publishes a series of episodes from this experience.
When the Curses and Insults are Worse than the Beatings
The relationship between the prison guard and the prisoner changed after Oct. 7. The sense of powerlessness inside every one of us grew. Even in the prisoners’ social interactions, it was difficult to swap stories about our ordinary lives because, simply put, the jailer would insult you in front of everyone without a chance to respond. So how could you talk about a certain problem or a men’s issue on the outside?
As a matter of fact, the curses and insults are worse than the beatings. Vulgar and abusive language cause a sense of humiliation and belittlement, and deteriorating mental health. You are overcome with helplessness and negative self-worth, feelings which can descend into depression and anxiety, and contribute to social isolation. These curses and the insults also leave a lasting impression on a person’s mental well-being, making them lose self-confidence and feel weak in the face of repressive authorities. This further damages one’s psychological state, be it a depressed mood or feelings of loneliness.
In this context, what consumes the thoughts of the prisoner more than anything else is the sense that he has lost his manhood, which leaves a deep mark on the self. Even during arguments amongst prisoners themselves, one sentence is often repeated: “You should be a man when someone insults you.” But in general, the conversation would revolve around the question, what can you do? Some prisoners began to respond in kind to insults, even if it meant they would be subjected to beatings or other sorts of punishment.
The saddest story I heard was from a 60-year-old man, whose eyes brimmed with tears as he spoke of a female guard at Meggido Prison. “At the beginning of the war, a female guard came into the courtyard and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘I’m going to rape you all one by one! If there’s a real man in any of the cell blocks, let him speak now.’” At first glance, the story may seem silly, until you realize the extent of violence and horror surrounding the prisoners at that moment.
On that subject, I remember when I first entered the Naqab Prison. My hands were tied behind my back and my face was pressed against the ground, as the guard shouted phrases in my ear like “Hey Daesh!” and, “Hey Hamas, Hey murderer!”
On one occasion at Megiddo Prison, Muhammad came back from the infirmary extremely angry and subdued. When I asked him what was the matter, he told me the guard had insulted him the whole way there, saying things like “you dog,” and “you son of a whore.”
Salim told me about a horrifying experience he was subjected to while he was transferred to court. The guard insulted his sister and mother, threatening to rape them both. Salim was in a state of despair, crying all the time. He couldn’t sleep. In such cases, one’s age and individual characteristics don’t make a difference. . Being subjected to curses and insults like that was terrifying for him; he was unable to respond, which caused him such psychological suffering that he wished to die a thousand times over.
There was also another way to insult prisoners. When we were transferred to another sector of Naqab Prison and we entered our cell blocks, we found curses against the resistance, against prisoners, and against Gaza scrawled on the walls: “Sons of whores,” and “dogs,” and “collaborators,” and “swine.” You were subjected to insults towards you and your people 24 hours a day.
Another kind of cruelty was when prisoners themselves were forced to curse or speak ill of their political leaders and national figures. Youssef, who was arrested on his way to work, said: “When we arrived at the military base, the soldiers started messing with me, demanding that I curse Hamas and Sinwar. They started beating me and wouldn’t stop until I did what they wanted.”
Ahmad shared a similar story: “I was in Megiddo Prison, and the whole way from the cell block to the court, the guard was forcing me to curse Sinwar and Gaza. I had no choice but to do it.” After the prisoners were returned to their cells, a debate broke out about what they had done, and whether or not it was justified to respond to a guard’s orders to curse in that manner. They discussed the need for self-preservation in order to avoid the dangers of refusing to comply, citing a verse from the Holy Quran:“Except for those who are forced [to disbelieve] while their hearts are firm in faith (An-Nahl 16:106).”
The practice of repeatedly searching the prisoners’ cells highlights a policy of attrition aimed to dominate and terrorize. The searches included harsh measures, such as the violent entry of inspection units by shouting and suddenly banging on the doors, creating an abusive and terrifying environment. Prisoners found themselves handcuffed and forced to sit in degrading positions, in awful places like bathroom floors, and subject to full-body cavity searches that violated their dignity as well.
For example, on the 21st of Ramadan 2024 (Apr. 1), a unit of guards stormed into the cell block in Megiddo Prison and forced the prisoners into the bathroom. The guards made them get on their knees and place their foreheads on the ground, a truly degrading position.
The constant searches also entail public exposure, humiliation, severe beatings and strip searches. All such measures contribute to dismantling the structure of prisoners’ lives, and hobble their efforts to maintain psychological and spiritual stability. This raises questions about searches’ real purpose, especially since the cells are completely void of anything prisoners might try to hide. Even though the prison administration knows well that the prisoners do not have any personal possessions or food, they continue these operations which cause prisoners great psychological distress and exhaustion.
Strip Searches
Strip searches are a deep bodily and psychological wound for the prisoner, violating their dignity and harming their self-image. The prisoner is subjected to degradation and provocation, forced to strip naked in front of others, instilling feelings of shame and intense humiliation.
At first, we would refuse to take off our clothes altogether, which would typically lead to severe beatings. We were forced to face the calculus: should we endure the humiliation of stripping naked, or face violence and beatings that could result in suffering and permanent injuries? We tried to choose the lesser of two evils. But that wasn’t possible. The prison guard’s ridicule accompanied every strip search. They made fun of our bodies and our genitals, mocking our entire physical appearance.
I would always ask: what’s the point of all these strip searches, especially since the prison administration knows full well there is nothing inside any of the cell blocks? There were multiple answers, but some people just commented: “Doesn’t matter.” The general consensus was that these measures were intended entirely to humiliate us.
I remember during one of the searches, six guards surrounded me and forced me to take off my clothes, then threw every article of clothing in a different direction before punching me as they laughed. At that moment, I couldn’t think straight. The world closed in on me as I said to myself: at the end of the day, we’re in the midst of a struggle.
Momen shared his experience with me, telling me that when they were transferred in the middle of the night from Ofer Prison to Naqab Prison, where they were forced to strip naked twice – to the laughter and ridicule of the guards – he felt like he was nothing, like he was worthless. He was embarrassed to speak with the other prisoners, even though they were all enduring the same thing. In this situation, the question all of us asked ourselves was: How is the prison administration dealing with female detainees? Were they subjected to strip searches just like the men?
Merely talking about sexual harassment requires a great deal of courage, especially in a society often described as conservative. When one of the prisoners shared his experience with me, his voice was calm and quiet as he concluded, “Don’t tell anyone.” Sometimes strip searches also entail sexual harassment, which creates an atmosphere full of fear and vulnerability. Prisoners are subjected to multiple forms of assault, including having their genitals touched, verbal insults, and threats of sexual violence. These experiences leave destructive psychological and emotional scars on prisoners, causing deep trauma that can stay with them for a long time, even after their release. It’s worth mentioning that in the heat of interrogation and beating, in the depths of fear and screaming and pounding on the doors, you can’t fully process what’s happening, you don’t understand the true meaning of what’s happening to you. All that matters to you is for the torment to stop, but once you perceive the true meaning of what has happened, you begin to feel its profound effects.
Zaher told me about the strangest thing that had happened to him since the start of the war, saying, “It was very late at night when a Yamas unit (an Israeli interrogation unit within the prison unit) entered the room and ordered us to take off all our clothes and stand side by side. We were ten prisoners, naked as the day we were born, and the guard repeatedly smacked us on our genitals. Then we were subjected to a withering beating. They were making fun of our bodies and laughing at us in this humiliating state.”
After hearing his story, I went back to bed. My memory returned to the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, and I recalled the leaked photos and the scandalous acts committed by the American military. I asked myself: “Are we living in the Second Abu Ghraib?” I turned to my friend who had shared his story and asked him directly, “Were you afraid of being raped?” A few moments passed before he replied in a stammering voice, “Yes, very.”
After hearing this, I tried encouraging the prisoners to recall similar stories, but most of them refused to speak about whether what had happened to them during their interrogation crossed the line into sexual assault. They insisted that it was just one part of the normal interrogation techniques, although they all agreed that it was horrific.
For example, Ziad, who is over 60 years old and had been imprisoned more than once, told me: “Physical interrogation was the one thing that could make me extremely agitated and upset. The guard searched me by hand despite the fact that he knew I didn’t have anything on me, and when the search reached between my legs, he opened them extremely wide and pressed so hard against my private areas that I screamed out loud.”
I couldn’t find anyone who agreed with me that the threat of rape might go beyond the level of intimidation. Most people I talked to believe that things would not go further than threats. For example, Tariq says: “During my time in Meggido Prison, things escalated when I shouted back at one of the guards. Fifteen minutes later, a high-ranking officer came in and started cursing me and insulting my family with vulgar expressions. Then he threatened me with sexual assault in front of the whole cell block. This is something I will never forget, even after leaving the prison. It remains with me in all my thoughts.”
After hearing many such prisoners’ stories, I reached the conclusion that women are braver than men in this regard.
At the beginning of the war, I expected that the prison administration would confiscate some of our possessions – especially electronics, such as televisions, electric kettles, and hot plates – but as time went by, it became clear that the Shabas (Israeli prison administration) had decided to confiscate everything we had.
Many people were astonished by the extent of the confiscations. The prison administration was engaged in the daily confiscation of various items, including simple things like belts and underwear. Some believed this practice to be a sign of Israel’s collapse in its obsession with minor things, while the majority viewed this as a way to put pressure on prisoners and increase their levels of anxiety and depression. After every confiscation, we would try to lighten the weight of what had happened by saying, “Sacrifice for the resistance and sacrifice for Gaza…but what does that even mean? It’s possible to live without television, without coffee and cigarettes.”
Confiscating Detainees’ Clothing
Some of the most noteworthy confiscations were of prisoners’ clothes – the things they needed most, especially new prisoners. The veteran prisoners had to share their clothes with newcomers, as their personal clothing had been exchanged for prison uniforms that were too big, which exposed them to further insults and humiliation. Sometimes these confiscations were carried out as a way of putting pressure on the prisoners, or as a type of retaliation.
In Ofer Prison, clothes were confiscated in a less violent manner. Prisoners were forced to place their clothes into bags and bring them outside of the cell block. Each prisoner was permitted to possess two sets of every type of clothing, including what they were wearing, like two pairs of pants and two shirts and so on.
When I placed my own clothes in the designated bag, I looked down at it in sadness. I thought about how we could handle these difficulties and hardships as part of our sacrifice, but what weighed on my mind was the suffering my family had gone through just to get these things inside for me – the long lines outside the prison gates, where they were subjected to lengthy searches simply in order to visit. I asked the following question out loud: “Now what? What are they going to take away from us next?”
In Naqab Prison and Meggido Prison, things were more violent and brutal. Nasser, who was in Naqab, told me about what happened to him: “During the second week of the war I was in Naqab Prison. Prison units attacked us and beat us up, then threw all of our clothes and our personal possessions on the ground. They poured shampoo and water and oil and spices and other things like that on them, which resulted in everything getting all mixed together. The next day they took our books, then chairs and tables. After a week, they transferred us to another cell block that was completely empty. The room housed about 10 people, even though there were only three beds without any blankets. We weren’t allowed to have anything else.”
